Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Let's talk about villains for a hot second.

I’m home sick today and taking the cure in the form of the second season of the BBC’s Robin Hood, AKA the Battlestar Galactica of the 1100s.

This show is unbelievably awesome. It’s like someone plucked what I wished was going on in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves from my ten-year-old brain and mixed it liberally with dashes of political commentary, sex, and Keith Allen.

But a full-on geek out on the merits of this delightfully well-written, trash-tinged series will come later. For now, I’m all about this pastel-rendered mofo.

Introducing Sir Guy of Gisborne, the Sheriff of Nottingham’s second-in-command, generally tortured torturer, giver of sighs and dubious glares that could rival those of a teenage girl’s. He is the heavy to the Sheriff’s wicked dandy, and what a pretty heavy he makes. If he were one of those free gifts from Lancome he’d be all black eyeshadow and cuticle-pusher-backers. He doesn’t know if he wants a soft, sparkly life or to keep toeing the line between pleasure and pain. Bring unjust death upon poor peasants who steal to live? Sure thing. Bring unjust death to noted Robin Hood enthusiast and codpiece-tease Maid Marian? Uh…only if he really has to and/or she’s dressed as the Night Watchman.

Here’s why I dig this guy. In addition to being fairy-tale-prince-gone-wrong hot, the moments where he doesn’t know if he’s coming or going are the best. He is a man whose sole purpose is to act as another’s blunt instrument. When he does come into moments of clarity or self-assertion, it’s terrifying. He could do good or evil. The anything-could-happen tension charges every scene he’s in. He is mad with love, lust, and self-hatred. He’s not a bad boy, because that denotes some reckless, carefree spirit. He has no spirit. He’s absolutely broken, and the pleasure comes in watching sparks of soul come through him, and inspire him to splint some part of himself with twisted cruelty or tender truth.

Most of the time it’s twisted cruelty.

Most of the time it’s twistedly hot.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


One thing I am not is a technology geek.

I have nothing against it, but I am just not into anything overtly technological. Blogs may well be a byproduct of all that has screens and metal and wires sticking out of it. I'll take it. But I won't obsess over it as I do 19th-century moral codes or TV on DVD.

My techie disinterest usually only works against me when film shoots are involved or I'm driving a Prius. I'm not averse to the wonders of the modern world, and can figure most stuff out with a little time. Still, there is one skill I have yet to master and actually hardcore wish I could.

How to block people forever on gChat.

Though at first glance that might seem like a pretty pathetic tech skill to "pwn", I think if we all take a second to realize how awesome it would be to never see an ex-friend's Busy Status again in your life, you would appreciate the viability of my desired tech superpower. Let others be great at creating clever iPhone apps, conducting robot-aided heart surgery, DVRing things.

I'll just be good at making bad people disappear for fake on the internet.