Why Can't Comic Con just be BattleSpacedGaimanlactica Con?

A geek milestone for me is fast approaching: Comic Con.

I have never been to Comic Con before, and will be attending this one as a fan and also to pitch a manga-inspired comic book I've co-written with my best bud and partner in Veronica Mars superfandom, Joe T. I can't wait to go but have no idea what I'm doing. It's turning out to be an expensive trip, even without factoring in all the Veselka and Italian pastry and metrocards I need.

I have no idea what my weekend passes cover. Can you go to panels for free? Is everything cool a ticketed event you have to fork over even more cash for? Will I be shot on sigh tif I don't buy Awesome Official New York Comic Con Merchandise Enhance Your Comic Con Experience! ?

I do know I'm going to a special Neil Gaiman ticketed event and I am thrilled to British scifi fantasy author pieces about that. And that the powers that be in charge of the Comic Con are looking out for my best interests, as this excerpt from their website illustrates:


CAN I BRING A SWORD? CAN I BUY A SWORD?
If you're bringing, buying, or selling something that could maim, damage, or cause serious bodily harm, we're going to take issue. Please read our Costume Weapon Policy and Weapon Sales Policy before attending or exhibiting at New York Comic Con with a weapon.

PS

I also know I'm going to dress up for Comic Con. It shouldn't be hard. I'm going as my alter ego Kim Pine.

Also: My Patronus Is Corporeal

!!!

It makes me so happy in a silvery-stag-in-the-woods kind of way. Dementors beware.

Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little George Michael

Big news in geek town:

Michael Cera is slated to play Scott Pilgrim in Edgar Wright's film adaptation of the best comedy/romance/adventure/ninja-vegan-ass-kicking/manga-inspired comic EVER!

Is this good or bad news? MC is funny, sure, but Scott is supposed to be hot. A ladykiller in shaggy sandy hair and a Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt. But eh, I'm sure the young Canadian will do a fine job playing a young Canadian. The real question is who's playing KIM PINE?!? The second: who's playing Wallace?!? The third: will Edgar Wright dip into his vast stores of British comedians to fill out other roles? WILL BILL BAILEY PLAY KNIVES CHAU?!?

Dark Marks and Bookmarks

Working at a tiny, "well-curated" bookstore in an esteemed private research library/historic landmark in Chicago's upper-crusty Gold Coast means your customers are going to tend to be drenched in perfume and politesse. Their tastes are fine. They will usually enjoy slim hardbacks about Queens doing silly things like reading, Philip Roth novels, and travel literature. Especially chronicles of romping through Italy. They can also be THE HOUNDS OF HELL. Nay, the PURSE DOGS OF HELL.

And some of them even work here.

One demon hellbitch in particular is always well-dressed and evil. She never smiles or speaks above an irritated, droning whisper. Her color palette is cream and grey and beige. Smooth, soft colors. Deceptively enrobing the bitchass viper beneath.

She graces me with her presence every other week or so, never missing a fraying seam on my workaday peasant garb, or a blemish on my cheek. My reading material usually chafes her brain as well: this time she caught me surfing jezebel.com, a feminista pop culture e-rag that is usually witty...except for when they post gigantic (and dreamy) pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal that fill the screen.

She throws items down at me, clucks her tongue ever so, and gives off the impression that she has never experienced joy in her entire life. Think Cruella De Vil, if Cruella De Vil didn't love killing puppies for sport and outerwear.

After she painedly paid her fee today, I googled her very specific and ridiculous Norse-sounding name to see what dirt I could dig up. Who knows, maybe she was a dominatrix in younger, happier days. Or a serial killer.

But what I found was even better than all that.

Someone put her in Harry Potter fanfiction.

Yep.

Her AND her granddaughter, who, I fact-checked, is indeed named Julie. Some creep out there has quite the thing for ol' Julie and her "soft, near-perfect skin, even whiter against the small mole on her cheek". My meanie is a wheezing crone who offers her services to the Deatheaters.

How appropriate!